Signboard outside clinic: Doctor out of town for a week. Till then, be patient!
Notice outside electronic shop: Exchange everything for new. T.V. Refrigerator etc. Bring you wife for excellent bargain.
Sheila: You know, a lot of men are going to be miserable when I marry.
Leela: Really?
How many men are you going to marry?
Movies they see:
Expecting mothers: Babe
Botanists: Poison lvy
Doctors: The English Patient
Snipers: A Time to Kill
Gardeners: Jurassic Park
Painters: Colour of Night
Baseball Players: First Strike
Paparazzi: Hot Shots
Mountaineers: Rocky
Fishermen : The Net
How to double your money:
Fold it over once and put it back in your pocket.
Conversation overheard in a store:
"Do you have any four-volt, two watt bulbs?
"For what?"
"No, two"
"Two what?
Yes.
No.
Marriage vows might be more accurate if they were changed to read "Until debt do us part.
Lawyer: Where did the car hit him?
Witness: At the junction of the dorsal and cervical verte-brae.
Lawyer: My God! I've lived in this town for 20 years and I never heard of such places.
John: Why?
George: Well, my wife read A Tale of Two Cities and we had twins.
Later she read The Three Musketeers and we had triplets.
Now she is reading Birth of a Nation.
Career advice to a...
Gardener: It's hardly a bed of roses.
Convict: Getting in is easier than getting out,
Casanova: It's a hand to skirt existence.
"Last week a grain of sand got into my wife's eye, she had to go to the doctor and it cost me Rs. 150," a man said.
"That's nothing," the other replied. "Last week a cocktail dress got into my wife's eye and it cost me Rs.1500."
Dentist examining patient's tooth:
"This tooth is dead."
"Then pull it out, doctor."
"I can put a crown on it."
"No, I prefer to bury it without any special ceremony."
Judge to defendant: Aren't you ashamed, coming here for the third time?
Defendant: Well, you come every day.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.
"When we are married, I shall share all your sorrows and troubles."
"but I've none."
"I said when we're married."
Why did the man wear a wet shirt?
Because the shirt’s label said: "Wash and wear."
Teacher : Where do we get silk from?
Rohan : From silkworm, sir.
Teacher: Good. And where do we get butter from?
Rohan: From butterflies, sir.
Q: Which city is trying to get rid of its mad people?
A: Madrid.
What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own busi-ness?
One, no mind.
Two, no business.
Slimming: Just another word for load shedding
Bigamy: A scheme to buy one and get one free.
Geography: A study of curves, slopes and plains.
Motorist: One who keeps pedestrians in good running condi-tion.
The class had been asked to write a short essay on The pleasures of childhood. One little boy wrote: The pleasures of childhood are great, but nothing compared with the pleas-ures of adultery.
Teacher: Where are the Virgin Islands?
Student: I'm not sure, madam. But they must be a long way from the Isle of Man.
Three honey-bees were buzzing around in little Meenu's room. She rushed to her mother and said, "Mummy! Of the three bees, two are male and one is female."
Mother: How do you know?
Meenu: The two bees which are buzzing around the beer bottle are male; the one that is buzzing on the mirror in female.
Father : Son, who do want to marry?
Son : Your mother.
Father : Why?
Son: Because you married my mother!
A woman murdered her husband. When she was produced before the judge, she pleaded guilty but requested the judge to take note of the fact that is was her first murder and that she was a widow now, with two infant daughters.
Salim: My wife should have been a lawyer.
Shahid : Why
Salim : Every time we have an argument and she feels she is losing, she takes it to a higher court - my mother-in-law.
Some agonies are physical and some are mental
And the one which is both is dental.
Q: What makes a bachelor a smart man?
A: Because he is never Miss-taken.
Q: What type of music did people of the Stone Age like?
A: Rock music.
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